6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
