Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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