my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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