I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
