I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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