Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
