In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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