So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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