full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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