I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
