you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
