also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
