Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We are two peas in an std pod
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
