i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
ttyl tear gas
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
