Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
