its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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