I got chris browned last night
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
