i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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