I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
