did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
