Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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