I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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