No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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