so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
