and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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