The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
