Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
