We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
