So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
