i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
