seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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