DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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