omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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