From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
