Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
