its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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