If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
