It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
