More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
