I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
