Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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