it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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