So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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