After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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