ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
