she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Actions speak louder than pants.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Houston, we have a blender
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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