he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
