i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
