i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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