just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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