I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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