I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
